5ちゃんねる ★スマホ版★ ■掲示板に戻る■ 全部 1- 最新50  

■ このスレッドは過去ログ倉庫に格納されています

・。・  English板。大人のスレッド  ・。・

1 :名無しさん@1周年:02/05/27 01:02
English板の、大人向けのスレッドです。
Hネタは、こちらでやりましょう。
他のスレッドに迷惑かけないためにも…。
よろしくお願いします。

255 :あぼーん:あぼーん
あぼーん

256 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/08/08 20:33
http://news2.2ch.net/test/read.cgi/newsplus/1060049281/
【国際】「時効の恩典は与えぬ」 レイプ事件根絶に本腰…米・NY


★婦女暴行事件根絶に本腰 NY市、DNA鑑定駆使

・ニューヨーク市は4日、多発する婦女暴行事件の根絶を目指し、DNA鑑定を
駆使して未解決事件の容疑者を特定、起訴に持ち込む計画を発表した。

治安の向上に力を入れている同市の防犯強化策の一環。市当局によると、
法律で容疑者を起訴できる期限は事件発生から10年と定められているため、
まず1994年に起きた未解決事件や告訴のあった約600件について証拠品
などを再検証する。計画には35万ドル(約4200万円)の予算が充てられるという。

ブルームバーグ市長は「全市規模で初めて、検察、警察、科学者が未解決
事件の容疑者起訴に向けて協力する。犯人に時効の恩典は与えない」と語った。

257 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/08/29 08:35
3 Whores Clever

Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch.
They get naked, and start fingering themselves and each other.
After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table,
and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves.
The second one then squats on the table,
and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves,
which is even bigger.
The third one squats on the table,
but when she stands back up, the first whore says,
"You didn't leave an outline."
She says, "Smell the rim."

258 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/08/29 08:47
>>257
whore◆売春婦
snatch◆女性器

259 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/08/29 11:50
257の面白さがわからないのは俺だけ?

260 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/08/29 11:55
うん

261 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/08/29 12:00
>>260
そうですか…。鬱…
もしよかったら教えていただけないでしょうか?

262 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/08/29 12:29
最後のセンテンスがオチ。
状況:一番目、二番目とマン汁で描いたマンコの輪郭を比べっこ。
三番目も同じようにテーブルの上にしゃがんだわけだが、彼女の場合は
マンコがテーブルを呑み込んでしまって、マン汁はテーブルの周りに
しかつかなかった。だから、テーブルトップには輪郭が残っていないので
Smell the rim.

263 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/08/29 12:35
>>262
ありがとう。勉強不足でした。

264 :111:03/08/29 12:51
fuckって外国の映画では女も子供も使うけどどういう意味で使われてるのですか?

265 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/08/29 12:58
>>264
情況と場面によって意味合いが違ってきます。
具体的にその映画の台詞を教えてていただけませんか?

266 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/08/29 13:20
A nun comes to her Mother Superior and
asked her to hear a confession:
"Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh.
Father Goodwin came to me and
told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs.
Then he said that he had the key to Heaven,and
he put it in the gates."
"BASTARD!" cried the Mother Superior.
"For years he told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and
I have been blowing it!"



267 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/09/13 17:58
【 2 horses.Praise him! 】

A man was on a trip when he crossed paths with a indian tribe.
The indian chief told the man that he had to deliver a note to
another tribe and if he didnt they would hunt him down and kill
him. The man reluctantly agreed and was given a horse to ride.
The man was on his way and after a few hours the horse stumbled
and broke its leg. The man realized the horse was no longer
usable and took his gear and the letter and walked and walked
untill he came upon a old man at a ranch. He explained to the
man that he needed a horse promptly in order to deliver a message
or else he would surely be killed.

The man being a retired priest agreed and explained that he had
2 horses. A young one that runs fast but does not listen. And an
old one that is slow but listens well. He said that he would
take the slow old one. The priest agreed and told him that the
commands were not normal and went on to explain the commands
this horse knew. He said to get her to run you say praise the
lord, to get her to stop you say amen, He said ok. no problem,
jumped on the horse said Praise the lord and he was off. Well
things were going good until he saw a cliff up ahead,
He was pulling on the reigns and saying Ho ho! Stop! but the
horse kept running then he said oh wait thats right, Amen!
The horse stoped just inches from the cliff, he wiped his
brow and said whew Praise the lord!




268 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/09/13 18:33
落っこっちゃった?

269 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/09/25 16:53
80
Doctor, Doctor

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked,"Well, do you smoke
tobacco or drink beer?" "Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbequed ribs?
"I said "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?"
"No, I don't". He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool
around with sexy women?" "No," I said. "I've never done any of
those things." He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give
a shit if you live to be 80"?


270 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/09/25 17:28
>>269 Thank you for telling me about life. >>hikkie

271 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/10/02 02:11
Missing In Action
Amputate

Durring the Veitnam War, a soldier's leg was wounded. he went to a veitnam hospital and had it amputated. He said to the doctor, "If it isnt to much to ask, will you take my leg and drop it in the middle of the Atlantic ocean?"
"Sure," said the doctor and went to the middle of the atlantic in the Chopper and dropped the soldier's leg. A couple of weeks later the soldier was back in getting his other leg amputated.
"Hey, Doc. I know this is too much to ask but will you drop my other leg into the middle of the Atlantic ocean? Sure! No problem!" said the doctor.
So he went and did as the soldier asked.3 days later that soldier came in with a bloody arm. "Hey doc, can you put my arm into the middle of the atlantic also?" the doctor replied with, "No, we think you are trying to escape!"



272 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/10/07 00:34
Sorry Ladies
Heh, Tupac Shakur

SHE WAS SO BLONDE
she thought a quarterback was a refund she thought General Motors was in the army she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats at the bottom where it said "sign here" she wrote Libra
SHE WAS SOO BLONDE
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept she sent a fax with a stamp on it she thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday under "education" she put "Hooked on Phonics"
SHE WAS SOOO BLONDE
she tripped over a cordless phone she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate" she told me to meet her at the corner of "walk" and "don't walk" she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store
SHE WAS SOOOO BLONDE
she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order she studied for a blood test she sold her car for gas money when the sign said "AIRPORT LEFT" she turned around and went home
SHE WAS SOOOOO BLONDE
when she heard that 90% of crimes occurred near home, she moved she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company she thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless she thought she could not use her AM radio in the evening



273 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/10/07 03:15

http://www.natvan.com/internet-radio/ts/071903.mp3

274 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/10/07 11:23
>>272
good one, thanx.

275 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/10/09 14:32
英語のサイト見てる時、ついついここにカキコのネタ探してしまう。
でも、なかなかイイの見つからない…。

276 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/10/09 23:32
how about these...

nigga so dark when he went to night school they marked his ass absent
nigga so dark he looks like a picture of outer space ... without the stars
nigga so dark when he eats a tootsie roll, he's gotta wear white gloves to keep from chewing his fingers off
nigga so dark he makes asphalt look gray
nigga so dark when he sat in the jacuzzi he made coffee
nigga so dark his nickname is evening
nigga so dark he spits ink
nigga so dark when he was driving the police pulled him over for tinted windows
nigga so stupid he tried to steal a free sample
nigga so stupid he put a peephole in a glass door
nigga so stupid he took the pepsi challenge and chose JIF
nigga so stupid when he went to take the #44 bus he took the 22 twice instead
nigga so stupid on his job application where it says emergency contact mother fucker put 911


277 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/11/06 14:00
>>251
真ん中以外見れないね。

278 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/12/01 12:39
エッチの時の
「気持ちいい」とか「いっちゃいそう」とか「それいい」みたいなの
知りたい。
微妙なニュアンスっぽいの

279 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/12/01 12:47
もうこんなに濡れてるじゃないか。
は、英語で何といいますか?

280 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/12/01 13:21
>>278
I'm coming.

281 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/12/01 17:35
君のすごく締まりがいいね。こんなの初めてだよ。
誰か英訳してください。

282 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/12/01 19:05
>>280
それは天国に近ずいているからですか?

283 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/12/01 20:23
>>282
い・・・いく〜 のほうが近いかも。

284 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/12/01 22:45
m

285 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/12/06 22:01
このスレ、英語が得意な人がいないのかなあ。

286 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/12/07 20:32
age

287 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:03/12/25 20:17
あげ

288 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/01/14 12:32
Cakes
Kids....

A little girl and her mother are walking through a park and see two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl asks her mother what they're are doing. After a moments hesitation, the mother replies "They're making cakes."
The next day the little girl and her mother go to the zoo. The little girl sees two monkeys having sex, and again asks her mother what they are doing. The mother again uses the same answer "They're making cakes."
The next morning the little girl says to her mother "Mummy, You and Daddy were making cakes on the lounge last night." The Mother replies " How do you know?" The girl says "I licked the icing off the sofa!"

289 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/01/16 03:51
>>279
濡れてるはそのまま wet

>>281
締りがいいはそのままtight

290 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/01/30 17:59
(^^)

291 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/03/20 04:37
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.
"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

292 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/03/20 04:38
A guy goes to the pharmacist and says,
"Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night? It's going to be a hell of a party."
The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says,
"This stuff is potent: drink only one ounce of it, and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know how it goes."
The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist goes to work and finds the same guy waiting for him on the door-step. The pharmacist says,
"What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?"
The guy replies,
"Quick, I need Blue Ice" (muscle pain relief).
The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says,
"Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive."
The guy says,
"No, no, It's not for that, it's for my arm."
Pharmacist: "What?? What happened?"
Guy replies, "Well...I drank the whole bottle of your potion."
Pharmacist: "Oh my god, and then what?"
"The girls never showed up!"

293 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/03/20 04:39
Vladimir Putin goes to bed one evening and Stalin appears to him in a dream. Putin asks Stalin for some help with the state of Russian economy, crime, etc... Stalin says:
"Round up and shoot every male between the age of 21 & 30 and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."
Putin asks:
"Why blue?"
Stalin retorts:
"I knew you would ask me about the second part first"

294 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/03/20 04:40
What is necessary to make an impression on woman:
- Tell compliments to her.
- Respect her.
- Caress her.
- Embrace her.
- Protect her.
- Spend your money on her.
- Bring her to the restaurants.
- Buy for her whatever she wants.
- Listen to her.
- Stay with her.
- Support her.
- Go to the world's end for her.

How to make an impression on man:
- Get naked and cook something for him to devour.

295 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/03/20 04:40
A young man comes up to the drug store and says:
- Give me one condom, please, today I am meeting with my girl. Well, no, give me two condoms, the girl has a very nice sister. Well, no, give me three condoms, the mom of

my girl looks also good.
After that he goes to "test" the condoms to girl's home. He sits at the table to have dinner with all the members of the family. But suddenly something wrong happens to the

guy. He doesn't utter a word during the dinner, eats nothing.
When the dinner is over his girl asks:
- What's wrong with you? You didn't like meals?
- Oh, no! The meals was very tasty... But I didn't expect your father to be a druggist.

296 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/03/20 04:41
A boss hires a secretary:
- How fast do you type?
- I can't type...
- Do you know stenography?
- No...
- What foreign languages do you know?
- No one...
- What then are your values???
- I never become pregnant.

297 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/03/20 04:42
>>291-296 from "Russian Jokes" www.jokes.pp.ru

298 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/03/20 04:58
The coffle moved quickly along the well-trodden path through the forest. The six guards searched the
surrounding area for hidden danger, at the same time ensuring that their captives made no attempt to
escape.

Escape was, of course, impossible. The captives were well secured by metal belts around their waists which
were, in turn secured to a heavy chain that joined them together. Thinner chains joining their ankles
allowed them to walk with short steps but prohibited any chance of breaking into a run.

Conscious of the danger inherent in the forest, the guards remained silent, relying on hand signals to
communicate with each other. The captives were kept silent by the ball gags which had been thrust into their mouths and secured behind their necks.

Looking into the faces of the captives, the leader of the men was pleased to see the look of terror in
their eyes. He allowed his eyes to rove briefly over their bodies. What he saw was pleasing indeed.

Four young females. The thin garments that clung tightly to their bodies only added to the promise of the
beauty that would surely be displayed once they were removed. The lightweight armour that they had worn
when captured had been quickly removed as had their weapons.

Mark Stewart "Submission of a Clan Girl"

299 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/03/21 07:57
子供のままでありつづけたいよ。

300 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/03/21 07:57
ピーパーパンを思い出しながら、こっそり300げっと。

301 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/03/25 13:44
あげ

302 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/05/01 22:58
Friends
Introductions

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman
wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus
stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that
her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height
of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick
smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt
a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise
her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she
couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her
to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted
the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her
leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind
to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked
her up easily by the waist and placed her firmly on the step of
the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan
and yelled,
"How dare you touch me! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."



303 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/05/14 14:03
snatch 女性器

304 :名無しさん@英語勉強中:04/05/14 15:29
姉妹
http://www.orient-doll.com/candygirl/top_cg02.htm

http://www.orient-doll.com/candygirl/top_cg01.htm


143 KB
■ このスレッドは過去ログ倉庫に格納されています

★スマホ版★ 掲示板に戻る 全部 前100 次100 最新50

read.cgi ver 05.04.00 2017/10/04 Walang Kapalit ★
FOX ★ DSO(Dynamic Shared Object)